"I didn't love my wife when we got married"

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"I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby little_tigress » Tue Sep 10, 2013 8:31 pm

Just read this interesting article and thought I'd share:

http://popchassid.com/didnt-love-wife/
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"I didn't love my wife when we got married"

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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby FLGator_Chicky » Tue Sep 10, 2013 10:23 pm

That's a great piece. It's true, the ooey-gooey in the beginning can become confusing and muddled when the reality of every day married life sets in. It's being able to acknowledge love in the way that he described that makes a marriage stronger in a lot of ways. It's easy to "love" someone when they're putting their best foot forward and always look shiny and clean when you are around them. Loving them when they're sticking that same foot in their mouth or have morning breath and bedhead is a whole different level of love. ;)
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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby Edwards1984 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 12:49 am

I've said it once, I said it again, and I'll say it again still: the problem with many today is they look at courtship through rose-colored glasses and a marriage through a microscope, when it should be the other way around. It therefore doesn't surprise me that when people say they "love" the other person before marriage, they don't really mean it.
"And how the Lord has a little left me, how weak do I find myself! O, let it teach me to depend less on myself, to be more humble, and to give more of the praise of my ability to Jesus Christ." Jonathan Edwards (from his journal)
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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby Miles » Wed Sep 11, 2013 2:39 pm

Sorry, but I don't like it when people jerk others around with that kind of reasoning. Why not say it will only be love when we make it to our 50th wedding anniversary? That anything prior somehow doesn't count. Although such an argument can be made, we live in the present. Do we need to know the future's history before we can love someone? No. It seems to me that the man who wrote the article may have loved his wife when he said he did.

Of course love is more than the mushy feelings at the beginning of a relationship. Of course love requires things like sacrifice, compromise, and a litany of other things. Of course it will be difficult at times. However, such things don't mark the beginning of love. They only prove that love was there to begin with. That it was tested and found to be true.
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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby Edwards1984 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 5:39 pm

Miles wrote:Sorry, but I don't like it when people jerk others around with that kind of reasoning. Why not say it will only be love when we make it to our 50th wedding anniversary? That anything prior somehow doesn't count. Although such an argument can be made, we live in the present. Do we need to know the future's history before we can love someone? No. It seems to me that the man who wrote the article may have loved his wife when he said he did.

Of course love is more than the mushy feelings at the beginning of a relationship. Of course love requires things like sacrifice, compromise, and a litany of other things. Of course it will be difficult at times. However, such things don't mark the beginning of love. They only prove that love was there to begin with. That it was tested and found to be true.


Who was arguing that there's a magical date or time when "love" is official?
"And how the Lord has a little left me, how weak do I find myself! O, let it teach me to depend less on myself, to be more humble, and to give more of the praise of my ability to Jesus Christ." Jonathan Edwards (from his journal)
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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby FLGator_Chicky » Wed Sep 11, 2013 7:35 pm

Miles wrote:Sorry, but I don't like it when people jerk others around with that kind of reasoning. Why not say it will only be love when we make it to our 50th wedding anniversary? That anything prior somehow doesn't count. Although such an argument can be made, we live in the present. Do we need to know the future's history before we can love someone? No. It seems to me that the man who wrote the article may have loved his wife when he said he did.

Of course love is more than the mushy feelings at the beginning of a relationship. Of course love requires things like sacrifice, compromise, and a litany of other things. Of course it will be difficult at times. However, such things don't mark the beginning of love. They only prove that love was there to begin with. That it was tested and found to be true.


I get what you're saying and can see how you interpreted the piece that way. I think what the author was really trying to convey, though, was the difference between emotional love and living love out as an action verb day in and day out. The former feels good, but the latter is what is one of the foundational building blocks of a solid marriage.
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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby Wesley » Wed Oct 23, 2013 3:52 am

Resurrecting old threads! This man would have done well to read Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages." No it's not trying to expose some long-hidden principles in the Bible and no it's not a "give to get" scheme. It takes plain fact, plain observation, and plain scripture (although it is packaged in a scripture-lite version for the benefit of any non-believers that would like to partake in the change).

So it sounds like his method of feeling loved was stronger towards quality time or words of affirmation. Her sounds like acts of service. Makes me worried for my own self. I'm like all or nothing; I'm either zero on the scale, or twelves. :P
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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby MoldySneakers » Wed Oct 23, 2013 4:08 am

Yeah the Love Languages only have a loose confirmation with me, I think that's because most of them I never hear, or hear so infrequently it makes a big impact when it does happen.
I pity you, you of the mean intellects. You need to hold on so tight to your cherished opinions because to do otherwise would be to grow, and change is scary, and what is scary must be avoided.
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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby Wesley » Wed Oct 23, 2013 4:19 am

MoldySneakers wrote:Yeah the Love Languages only have a loose confirmation with me, I think that's because most of them I never hear, or hear so infrequently it makes a big impact when it does happen.

And it's interesting too, because, as would be expected, each "love language" has personal expressions that can make them very different. So for example, someone with the general language of "words of affirmation" might respond well to personal compliments, and others more towards achievement compliments. Or not even compliments, perhaps just hearing how you've affected others, or compliments about character more than looks, or vice versa.

I've noticed in my own family that "Acts of Service" can be split up between fun, frivolous things versus more practical things (wash the dishes!). Same with quality time. Some people think quality time involves special trips, other can be more content with time spent in. People are so complex. :P

But I liked the book because it gave me a base to build on. I saw some family members, on in particular, who appears now to have had a very different method of receiving affection and love, and no one else in the immediate family had that same tendency, so I think that person was very confused and hurt at times. That person is long gone now. Of course, if we all just lived Christ, treated others better than self, and took an interest in observing others and asking them about themselves, we'd reach the same conclusions, but sometimes a nice little 90 page book kinda gives us a boot to the butt. :D
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Re: "I didn't love my wife when we got married"

Postby MoldySneakers » Wed Oct 23, 2013 4:43 am

:)
I pity you, you of the mean intellects. You need to hold on so tight to your cherished opinions because to do otherwise would be to grow, and change is scary, and what is scary must be avoided.
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