that first year

A place for discussions surrounding marriage. Marrieds and singles welcome.

Re: that first year

Postby Edwards1984 » Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:14 am

little_tigress wrote:So I keep hearing that the first year of marriage is always the toughest because you're learning to adapt to living with that other person and all the compromises that go along with that. Have you found that to be true in your experience? Or are all those people lying to me? :D


Martin Luther once said that marriage is waking up and seeing a pair of pigtails on your pillow that weren't there the night before. I think that was about the only "shocking" thing about marriage for me - adapting to the realization that you are no longer single, and you're living with another person. That's not a BAD thing, however. It's like when you first go to college and you realize you have to take care of yourself, or when you move out of your parents' place and realize you have responsibilities. It's not a bad shocker, it's just coming to grips with the change in your life.

As for the toughness of adjusting or compromising, I don't think Mary and I have had too much of that, really. Yes, we've done some maturing as we sanctify one another, but I think most of the "rough stuff" we mentioned early on in courtship and talked about before marriage, so we already knew what we would be compromising or dealing with. To quote a pastor's wife I knew, too many people see courtship through rose-colored glasses and marriage through a microscope, when it should be the other way around.
"And how the Lord has a little left me, how weak do I find myself! O, let it teach me to depend less on myself, to be more humble, and to give more of the praise of my ability to Jesus Christ." Jonathan Edwards (from his journal)
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Re: that first year

Postby Marycita » Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:18 pm

I always thought that saying was rather ridiculous. There's nothing about the first year of marriage itself that would make it the hardest. If it so happens to coincide with other difficult things in life, that's one thing, but otherwise, no.

I'm really enjoying our first year of marriage. I mean, sure there are tough things we deal with, but we both make an effort to deal with them prayerfully and with His guidance, so the approach makes it easier and just grows us together as a couple even more. Definitely not a bad thing! It's actually incredibly lovely!
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Re: that first year

Postby mina » Mon Aug 26, 2013 3:22 pm

I think people used to say the first year is the hardest b/c most people used to get married a lot younger. The average age of marriage has shifted. I'm sure the first year of marriage was really hard if you are just out of high school or college. To me that is a lot of adjustments at once on top of getting adjusted to marriage; especially if you are only like 18 or 19, or 21/22 and have never really lived on your own or managed your own money before. Also, your critical thinking skills haven't fully developed until about 25 or so. People who get married later than that likely have more stability: job wise, finance wise, and just in knowing who they are and what they want in life.
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Re: that first year

Postby FLGator_Chicky » Mon Aug 26, 2013 8:32 pm

Our first year was ridiculous. I always tell hubby that if we survived that year, our marriage should be able to survive anything! ;)

I won't go into messy details, but I will say this - hubby tore a disc in his back exactly 11 days after we were married.
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Re: that first year

Postby smackus maxiumus » Mon Aug 26, 2013 9:53 pm

If I ever get married, boy is that poor gal in for a ride.
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Re: that first year

Postby Spunkn » Tue Aug 27, 2013 12:20 am

FLGator_Chicky wrote:Our first year was ridiculous. I always tell hubby that if we survived that year, our marriage should be able to survive anything! ;)

I won't go into messy details, but I will say this - hubby tore a disc in his back exactly 11 days after we were married.


Ouch, that would suck.

I think with most things, it's all about communication and making sure you are on the same wave length as the other person. Not something that's easy to do, but the more you work at it, the better you'll do. Be flexible and forgiving, but don't bend over backwards to the point where you become angry / bitter at your spouse.

But what do I know, I'm just guessing ;)
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Re: that first year

Postby Miles » Tue Aug 27, 2013 5:06 am

It just goes to show how different, and even contradictory, folk wisdom can be. Some refer to the first few years as the "honeymoon phase", in which couples are happy newlyweds. Supposedly, things get difficult around the 7th and 20th years. Hence, the "7 year itch" and whatnot.

In my opinion, however, what actually happens depends on the couple and their particular set of circumstances.
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Re: that first year

Postby Beauty4Ashes » Mon Sep 09, 2013 10:53 am

I don't think so marriage-wise. Dealing with my health and how that affects our lives in many ways has been very difficult and I think it caused us to undergo a lot more stress than newlywed couples would normally have to deal with, even people that have been married a long time. However that aside I think our marriage is and has been great and if it wasn't for how bad the health stuff is, I would have very few complaints. Neither of us is perfect of course but we know how to work on our relationship and had lots of practice doing that before even getting married.
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