The "D" word

A place for discussions surrounding marriage. Marrieds and singles welcome.

The "D" word

Postby Kenobi » Thu Aug 15, 2013 11:38 pm

Since this is a topic that's been on my mind lately, I thought I'd start a thread on it. Divorce - what do you all think? Is it right or wrong for Christians? Why or why not? Thoughts, verses, opinions welcome!

I personally do not know where I stand on divorce, tbh. I come from a family the split up (my parents were separated, but not legally divorced), and that was a painful experience. My husband comes from a family that did not split up, and that was a painful experience. I know lots of Christian couples that have left bad marriages and remarried and things have gone well for them the second time around. I know lots of Christian couples that have stayed in bad marriages and are miserable. It is not a topic that I have done much study about, so I haven't really formed an opinion.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11
User avatar
Kenobi
 
Posts: 151
Joined: Sun Aug 04, 2013 12:38 am
Location: California

The "D" word

Sponsor

Sponsor
 

Re: The "D" word

Postby Sara » Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:03 am

I think I may actually have a response to this. I will come back later. I'm thinking.
Love always wins.
User avatar
Sara
 
Posts: 489
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:22 am
Location: Dumas, Texas, USA

Re: The "D" word

Postby Thunder Peel » Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:24 am

We actually refer to it as the "D word". We don't use it or let the thought enter into our minds. Once you start becoming comfortable with the idea it's easy to become open and complacent with it. I think there are times when things like that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you dwell on it you're more likely to take steps toward it.

God hates divorce and I believe the Bible gives solid ground to the fact that marriage is meant to be a life-long commitment. Jesus talk about it in Matthew 19:8-9 and indicates that divorce is acceptable only when one partner is guilty of adultery and unwilling to repent and focus on the marriage. That's the only extreme circumstance where I can understand someone feeling that way, although even then God's desire would be for the marriage to last. It happens and I certainly don't judge anyone who's gone through it. It's my hope, as well as God's, that couples would be able to stick together but that's not always the case.
Thunder Peel
 
Posts: 207
Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2013 10:55 pm

Re: The "D" word

Postby Kenobi » Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:46 am

For myself in my own marriage, divorce is not an option.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11
User avatar
Kenobi
 
Posts: 151
Joined: Sun Aug 04, 2013 12:38 am
Location: California

Re: The "D" word

Postby Edwards1984 » Fri Aug 16, 2013 1:01 am

Contrary to popular belief in some circles, divorce is permitted in scripture (as Thunder Peel mentioned), though under certain circumstances:

"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." [Matthew 19:9; emphasis mine]

However, I think many in the church, on top of forgetting this, commit a greater error. I've known women who divorced their husband for this very reason (eg., adultery, sometimes on numerous occasions) and were ostracized by their church, who either held the view that there should NEVER be divorced, or think she has somehow violated some unwritten scriptural command. This is the precise sort of thing a church should strive NOT to do.
"And how the Lord has a little left me, how weak do I find myself! O, let it teach me to depend less on myself, to be more humble, and to give more of the praise of my ability to Jesus Christ." Jonathan Edwards (from his journal)
User avatar
Edwards1984
 
Posts: 644
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 8:04 pm
Location: Virginia

Re: The "D" word

Postby mina » Fri Aug 16, 2013 1:31 am

I think abuse (mental, emotional, physical, sexual ) and adultery are very valid reasons for divorce. I do think that couples should strive to work things out and that ultimately God hates divorce; but working things out can be pretty hard if it's one-sided and the other person refuses to stop and repent or refuses to get help or is endangering their spouse's life. TBH, knowing God's nature; I think He hates when one spouse beats the crap out of the other as well. I always think it's best to separate and try to work things out; but if the other part of your team refuses then it's not much of a marriage.

I feel like divorce is not an option in my own marriage ever.
Last edited by mina on Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Image
User avatar
mina
 
Posts: 1015
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:57 am

Re: The "D" word

Postby Sara » Fri Aug 16, 2013 1:48 am

I have a two and a half page (in Word) response. I don't know if I should post it. I'm thinking some more. lol.
Love always wins.
User avatar
Sara
 
Posts: 489
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:22 am
Location: Dumas, Texas, USA

Re: The "D" word

Postby Marycita » Fri Aug 16, 2013 1:56 am

My wonderful husband up there summed up the Scripture part, so I won't duplicate it. I will just add it's not a word I consider to be in my vocabulary. Not an option. Even in an adultery situation (which I just can't fathom) if he were truly repentant, I'd stick around. Yeah, it would be tough as anything! But I would.
User avatar
Marycita
 
Posts: 295
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:30 pm
Location: Virginia

Re: The "D" word

Postby Sara » Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:02 am

I decided to share. Please feel free to skip over my post. I will put a TLDR at the end. :)

Many people here have known me for years and therefore know that I have been divorced and am now remarried. Let me begin my answer by saying, I know that God hates divorce and I truly hate it as well. I do not believe that divorce should be utilized unless there is no other option.

Before I came to Christ, I was with a man for seven years. When I became a Christian, I left him because I didn't know what else to do. We were unmarried, and I knew that God did not agree with our living arrangement. Even though we were apart, we maintained contact and three years later we would get married after a family emergency brought me physically back into his life (his brother in law was shot and killed while working on an oil rig). We did get married a few months after the incident because he said that he now agreed with me that we needed to be married to live together.

In June 2007 is when we got married. By May of the next year, I had found out that he was being unfaithful to our marriage. He wasn't much for computers, but he did have a MySpace. Since I had the only computer in the house, we shared. Usually I left my MySpace logged in and would just go straight to messages when I opened it to see if anyone had written me. One time when I logged in, it said I had a message, so I clicked on the subject line. I didn't recognize the lady’s face, but that wasn't uncommon with MySpace. When I opened it, it said something like ‘thanks for stopping by to see me on your way through town’ and that made me realize I was in his account. Since I didn't know the chick, it made me curious and so I clicked around in his messages. There were several messages with several women talking about what they wanted to do , and in some cases, had done. I logged out as fast as I could.

I didn't confront him right away. I waited for a while. I prayed. I cried a lot. When he would come home, which wasn't often, I refused to have sexual relations with him. I was very scared.

I looked to the Bible for information because I didn't know what to do. I read a lot of Scriptures on the subject, but mainly focused on a few.

Matthew 19:1-9 ESV wrote:1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.


Matthew 5:31-32 ESV wrote:31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.


1 Corinthians 7: 6-16 ESV wrote:6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?


(all emphasis mine)

The first two gave me no trouble. I knew I was entitled to a divorce because he had been unfaithful (sexual immorality) but…Well, the third verse gave me pause.

In September of that year, I confronted him. He denied it. At first. I asked him if he wanted to stay married, and he said yes. He promised a lot of things, of which being faithful was one. I decided to give him another chance because I believed I needed to. The Bible stated that if an unbeliever was married to a believer, the believer was to stay if the unbeliever wanted to! It was time for him to leave again, and as one of our agreements he provided me his log in for MySpace. I tried to trust him, but I compulsively checked his account. Nothing happened, for a while. Then the messages started coming again. I demanded that he come home and seek counseling with me so that we could save our marriage. He refused and said that I was upset over nothing; that nothing had happened. I asked him to get a job locally so that he wouldn't be tempted to meet up with girls wherever he drove. He again refused. He told me he wanted a divorce. Then he changed his mind. I prayed and prayed some more. I consulted with my friends, my pastor, and of course God. I decided that if by December things hadn't improved then I would be gone. The request for a divorce once along with sexual immorality allowed me to leave.

In December things had not changed, and so I did what I said I would do. I left. I moved back to Amarillo to be near my family. I waited the required amount of time as a resident of my new county. I filed. In September of 2009 it was finally done.

Some of my dates may be off because, honestly, it’s a period of my life I’d rather forget. I’m thankful to be gone from a relationship that did not honor my Father, and I’m grateful to have been given another chance.

TLDR: I shared that to say that sometimes divorce is the only way, but I believe it should be approached carefully and as a last resort. My divorce made me feel broken, but God has stitched me up again. I am so thankful.
Love always wins.
User avatar
Sara
 
Posts: 489
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:22 am
Location: Dumas, Texas, USA

Re: The "D" word

Postby mina » Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:04 am

sara :hug: thank you for sharing that.
Image
User avatar
mina
 
Posts: 1015
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:57 am

Next

Return to Married Life

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

About us

ChattyChristians.com is a place for Christians of all walks to chat, discuss, and fellowship with one another. We seek to live out our mission statement with humility and sincerity.

Have questions? Contact us at support@chattychristians.com or join ChattyChristians.com and submit a question to our Member Help Desk. You might also be interested in our FAQ and Privacy Policy.

cron