The "D" word

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Re: The "D" word

Postby Sara » Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:21 am

Kenobi wrote:Thank you for sharing your story, Sara. I cannot imagine living through something like that and having to make those decisions, it must have be heartbreaking. Hugs to you!!

Thank you.

Edwards1984 wrote:I'm very sorry to hear all that, Sara :( Sorry mostly you had to go through that. No one should.

If it means anything, it sounds like you did all the right things. You gave him a second chance, which is a lot more than some wives would. You tried to make it work, and considered all things prayerfully. Don't let anyone tell you that you were somehow in the wrong or the reason for it.


Thank you. I appreciate it.
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Re: The "D" word

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Re: The "D" word

Postby Amber » Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:17 pm

Sara- your story is very powerful and very brave. I'm so glad that you are now in a marriage that is healthy.

I would have said that divorce is never an option until my sibling ended up in an abusive marriage. They are separated now (for safety reasons) and the option of divorce is a very real possibility.

I struggle with the fact that abuse is not a Biblical reason for divorce. Its not there. But how do you reconcile that with the reality of being in an abusive marriage?

I think if you want to say that "divorce is never an option in my marriage" that you are being naive. Of course its an option, much like sinning is an option for a Christian. The point is that God has given you the grace and renewed spirit to NOT make that option a reality.
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Re: The "D" word

Postby mina » Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:29 pm

Totally not connected to anything else in this thread:
A co-worker of mine started working at my school and she was in the process of getting a divorce. I never asked her any questions about it, but that first year she eventually took her maiden name. It was hard to remember to call her that b/c I met her under her married name. For like 2-3 years she kept to herself, I could tell what she had been through was painful, she never talked about it, I never pried. Like 3 years later she shows up at work with the biggest smile on her face AND requesting that people call her by her married name now. Apparently whatever happened to cause the divorce, her husband got help, got saved, completely changed his behavior and started to pursue her again. They got remarried over that summer. She never talked about her divorce but she always talked about how happy her husband made her now. They both came to my wedding and he was the nicest guy and they both seemed so happy. I was glad that it turned out that way for both of them. That doesn't always happen; it's a rarity.
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Re: The "D" word

Postby Sara » Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:38 pm

Amber wrote:Sara- your story is very powerful and very brave. I'm so glad that you are now in a marriage that is healthy.

I would have said that divorce is never an option until my sibling ended up in an abusive marriage. They are separated now (for safety reasons) and the option of divorce is a very real possibility.

I struggle with the fact that abuse is not a Biblical reason for divorce. Its not there. But how do you reconcile that with the reality of being in an abusive marriage?

I think if you want to say that "divorce is never an option in my marriage" that you are being naive. Of course its an option, much like sinning is an option for a Christian. The point is that God has given you the grace and renewed spirit to NOT make that option a reality.

I am too, Amber. D is such a terrific man and he treats me so well!

I also struggle with that. Certainly if someone is being abused, they should have the right to withdraw from the covenant. No one deserves to be in such a situation. I'm sorry for your sibling's situation. :(

mina wrote:Totally not connected to anything else in this thread:
A co-worker of mine started working at my school and she was in the process of getting a divorce. I never asked her any questions about it, but that first year she eventually took her maiden name. It was hard to remember to call her that b/c I met her under her married name. For like 2-3 years she kept to herself, I could tell what she had been through was painful, she never talked about it, I never pried. Like 3 years later she shows up at work with the biggest smile on her face AND requesting that people call her by her married name now. Apparently whatever happened to cause the divorce, her husband got help, got saved, completely changed his behavior and started to pursue her again. They got remarried over that summer. She never talked about her divorce but she always talked about how happy her husband made her now. They both came to my wedding and he was the nicest guy and they both seemed so happy. I was glad that it turned out that way for both of them. That doesn't always happen; it's a rarity.


I think it's connected. That is a beautiful story! I'm very glad that her husband sought help and worked to re-establish their marriage. That is amazing.
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Re: The "D" word

Postby FLGator_Chicky » Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:11 pm

mina wrote:I think abuse (mental, emotional, physical, sexual ) and adultery are very valid reasons for divorce. I do think that couples should strive to work things out and that ultimately God hates divorce; but working things out can be pretty hard if it's one-sided and the other person refuses to stop and repent or refuses to get help or is endangering their spouse's life.

I feel like divorce is not an option in my own marriage ever.


^This.
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Re: The "D" word

Postby FLGator_Chicky » Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:18 pm

Sara wrote:
TLDR: I shared that to say that sometimes divorce is the only way, but I believe it should be approached carefully and as a last resort. My divorce made me feel broken, but God has stitched me up again. I am so thankful.


I can relate to much of your post and this sums it up beautifully for how I feel/some of what I went through, too. I am so glad that God has healed you, sis. *hug*
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Re: The "D" word

Postby Sara » Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:28 pm

FLGator_Chicky wrote:
Sara wrote:
I can relate to much of your post and this sums it up beautifully for how I feel/some of what I went through, too. I am so glad that God has healed you, sis. *hug*

Thanks. :hugs: I'm glad he's healed you as well, and sent you that awesome guy you've got now. :D
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Re: The "D" word

Postby FLGator_Chicky » Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:26 pm

Sara wrote:
FLGator_Chicky wrote:
Sara wrote:
I can relate to much of your post and this sums it up beautifully for how I feel/some of what I went through, too. I am so glad that God has healed you, sis. *hug*

Thanks. :hugs: I'm glad he's healed you as well, and sent you that awesome guy you've got now. :D


You and I have both been blessed! :D
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Re: The "D" word

Postby Ethnog » Fri Aug 16, 2013 10:17 pm

Amber wrote:Sara- your story is very powerful and very brave. I'm so glad that you are now in a marriage that is healthy.

I would have said that divorce is never an option until my sibling ended up in an abusive marriage. They are separated now (for safety reasons) and the option of divorce is a very real possibility.

I struggle with the fact that abuse is not a Biblical reason for divorce. Its not there. But how do you reconcile that with the reality of being in an abusive marriage?

I think if you want to say that "divorce is never an option in my marriage" that you are being naive. Of course its an option, much like sinning is an option for a Christian. The point is that God has given you the grace and renewed spirit to NOT make that option a reality.

I'm sorry to hear this Amber.
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Re: The "D" word

Postby Marycita » Fri Aug 16, 2013 11:40 pm

Amber wrote:
I think if you want to say that "divorce is never an option in my marriage" that you are being naive. Of course its an option, much like sinning is an option for a Christian. The point is that God has given you the grace and renewed spirit to NOT make that option a reality.


I think Christian couples know that it's God's grace that makes it not an option - I'd be concerned if one said otherwise ;) But I know for me, and I suspect for others too, when we say it's not an option, it's not meant as a naive "oh no way, not us" statement. It's a statement of "This is what we will fight against". (Just like battling any other would be sin in your life.) Saying " divorce is not an option" means you decidedly leave it out of arguments, fights, hard times, etc. It's something you actively guard against, and actively fight against.
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