That's what makes a woman/man

Dating and Engagement. Discuss romance, love, and relationships that haven't been brought to the altar yet.

That's what makes a woman/man

Postby Leothelioness » Sun Mar 22, 2015 3:28 am

I feel like relationships really do make a woman/man out of you. They teach you so much about yourself and they have a way of bringing you into full adulthood.

I, however, do not feel as if I have reached that. I still feel like a little girl having never had a relationship. I don't feel like a woman or that I have reached my full potential as a woman. I just kind of feel like I'm living in an extended adolescence and I hate that. I want to finally become an adult through experiencing a relationship.

I'm just venting right now, so sorry for the pitiful attitude. :lol:
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That's what makes a woman/man

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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby Ethnog » Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:00 am

Lol, I know a lot of people in relationships who haven't grown up.

I think you are way over thinking. You are a woman because you are one and you don't have to go through some society driven milestone to make you feel/be one.
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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby Wren » Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:57 am

I think that makes sense in the way of life experience making you grow up. And relationships are part of that, but you can get life experience that grows you without being in a relationship. However, if you are a good partner, you will practice compromise/sacrifice, compassion, and I guess general people skills from having a close bond with someone. You can learn those things in non-romantic relationships, but I do know some guys who have very nurturing mothers who never make them do anything for themselves. So, those guys did have some growing to do in their romantic relationships. Guys (and women who it is generally more common with) who are taught how to think of others more don't necessarily need to be in a relationship to act and feel like an adult.

In some ways I felt like an adult at 17 and was not married then. But I had grown up responsibilities. I had to buy what I needed with money I made at my job. I did my own laundry, made my own meals, and generally took care of myself. A year later I paid rent and utilities in my own apartment and did my own taxes. I can see how someone might feel like a child still if they live with their parents until they get married and their parents take care of everything or most things for them. Then there kind of is an extended childhood. But if you live on your own or live with your parents and still have adult responsibilities, than that's different.
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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby mina » Mon Mar 23, 2015 12:51 am

I first felt like an adult when I had to start paying bills and it was all on myself to get them paid every month in order to have a place to live and food to eat. I had never been in a relationship other than stupid high school puppy love situations. And most guys I met after I moved out and was living independently were still living at home and either not working or their mommas did everything for them. I think being on my own for a while helped me to grow up and know what I was looking for in a man.
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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby Leothelioness » Mon Mar 23, 2015 1:21 am

.
Last edited by Leothelioness on Mon Mar 23, 2015 1:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby Leothelioness » Mon Mar 23, 2015 1:24 am

I pay all of my own bills and hold down a job and am responsible in every aspect of my life, but unfortunately I still live at home because I can't afford rent. I hate not having my own space, but I do like that I'm not throwing away a bunch of money every month and I'm building up my savings.

Hopefully when I do meet someone they'll be understanding enough to not judge me or be bothered by the fact.
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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby Ethnog » Mon Mar 23, 2015 2:13 am

I live at home too Leo and I've paid rent, car payments, bills, and even sent my parents on vacations since I was 18 and worked since I was 14. But me living at home is far more cultural than anything else.
Honestly, if a guy didn't want me because I lived at home than I guess we aren't meant for each other. I know much of that is cultural as well and I can understand that perspective. Personally, I don't care if a guy lives at home, unless he is doing nothing. Really, nothing. But if he is taking care of his family than he can also take care of his own family when he gets married.
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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby mina » Mon Mar 23, 2015 2:27 am

I don't think it matters so much that you live at home, as it does that you are responsible. My husband lived at home until we married b/c in his area rent is outrageous. My beef with guys in my hometown that lived at home was that they really did nothing; no job, no higher education, parents paying for everything, no effort to improve. It just seemed like a lot of guys I knew were that way and it wasn't attractive, and I felt like there was a huge divide in maturity levels, even though i'd never been in a relationship, I knew I didn't want that kind of person. Most if not all of those guys I knew were in relationships or had been and I wouldn't exactly say that made them a man.
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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby Ethnog » Sun Apr 12, 2015 3:10 pm

Long over due thought.

My ex- boyfriend (I can't even say ex- without wanting to cry), was living with his mom when I met him. I had figured it out but I was a little taken back when he didn't tell me at first. He thought I wouldnt like him for that fact. I had to remind him I was Armenian and that normal for us. Haha. But, the real reason he moved back in with his mom was because she was dying of cancer. He took care of her the last two years of her life. I remember one time we were talking on the phone and he told me to hold on. When he came back he said, he had cut his moms food too big and had to cut it smaller for her. My heart filled with so much love for him.
Now you can understand why I can't use the "ex" word. But life happens.


*Random sharing of my personal life. Nothing to see here*
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Re: That's what makes a woman/man

Postby Toro » Mon May 25, 2015 1:45 am

Im a bit late to the party, but you are plenty woman enough Leo. Any man who says otherwise is a fool. Where you rest your head at night doesn't make you less or more of a man/woman. Neither does if you have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Much like anyone after puberty can have a child, doesn't make them worthy to be called a mother or father. Just cause someone has dated doesnt make them more of an adult than the next person.

Being a man or woman is based on who you are, your outlook on life and the world. What most call "character".

If knowing nothing of a subject makes one less of a man or woman than we are all still children as no one knows everything about all things.

I personally would have zero issue dating a woman that lived with her family. After all, if things were to work out thats exactly the type of woman I would want to grow old and have a family with, a woman that cares about the one she already has.

I would however have a problem if she didn't do anything at all. Then the only thought Id have in my head is that she is looking for a new daddy to latch on to so she didn't ever have to work. I wouldn't mind having a woman that would cook for me, but I don't want a second mother, so Im not looking to have a possible future wife that is looking for a husband to double as her father figure.
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