Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Dating and Engagement. Discuss romance, love, and relationships that haven't been brought to the altar yet.

Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby Leothelioness » Sat Mar 07, 2015 10:09 pm

I don't know if this is the right way to go about this, but I'm open to a relationship, but I'm not actively looking. Should I be putting myself out there or just continue to do what I do and live life without any expectations and allow what happens to happen? I'm a fairly passive person, so I have always taken the passive route.
I deserve the best, and the best is you.
User avatar
Leothelioness
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2014 7:40 pm

Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Sponsor

Sponsor
 

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby little_tigress » Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:23 pm

I think if you do want to meet a guy you don't necessarily have to join a bunch of dating sites or ask people to set you up, but you do have to put yourself out there in a sense. Get involved in new activities, meet new people, etc... The focus being more on expanding your horizons and opening yourself up to new things and learning something new and just growing as a person.

And while you're out there living life and trying these new things, if you happen to meet the love of your life, awesome =)
❥ ~❥~ ❥ ~ ❥ ~ ❥ ~ ❥ ~ ❥ ~ ❥
Qu'ils sont beaux sur les montagnes, Les pieds de celui qui apporte de bonnes nouvelles, Qui publie la paix! De celui qui apporte de bonnes nouvelles, Qui publie le salut! De celui qui dit à Sion: ton Dieu règne!
Ésaïe 52:7
little_tigress
 
Posts: 4017
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:15 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby Leothelioness » Sun Mar 08, 2015 12:24 am

Where I am there's not much in the way of groups or activities to participate in. I go to work and come home and that's about it. I used to go out on the weekends to see some musician friends of mine, but we gradually grew apart, so my weekends are spent cleaning house and resting.

Unfortunately my only real way of meeting people is being set up or join a dating site (and y'all know how that went. LOL).

But I have had it very heavily on my heart lately and I've been praying very hard about it and I feel like God wants me to wait. I believe He can create opportunity where there is none. I think I'm just afraid of ending up old and alone and I don't want that. I'm pushing 30, so I really need to get a move on. Honestly, I'm almost to the point where I'm willing to settle just to keep from being alone.
I deserve the best, and the best is you.
User avatar
Leothelioness
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby little_tigress » Sun Mar 08, 2015 12:44 am

I'm closer to 30 than you are :P

Honestly I wouldn't worry too much. I think this is a great time to focus on yourself. Even going to a coffee House and talking to strangers can help you meet new friends and perhaps open new doors for you.

Maybe call up those friends you've drifted from and reconnect? It could be one way to open up your social life a bit more.

One idea I've been musing over lately, more just to connect with friends better than anything, is opening up my place once or twice a month and having a potluck for anyone who wants to come. Perhaps that's something you could consider as well? Invite coworkers, church people, old friends, etc.. over and just enjoy connecting with people in an environment where you feel comfortable.
❥ ~❥~ ❥ ~ ❥ ~ ❥ ~ ❥ ~ ❥ ~ ❥
Qu'ils sont beaux sur les montagnes, Les pieds de celui qui apporte de bonnes nouvelles, Qui publie la paix! De celui qui apporte de bonnes nouvelles, Qui publie le salut! De celui qui dit à Sion: ton Dieu règne!
Ésaïe 52:7
little_tigress
 
Posts: 4017
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:15 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby Leothelioness » Sun Mar 08, 2015 1:33 am

That's a thought. I really do love to go out and attend parties (not clubby type parties, but more "cocktail"). It's really fun mingling with people like that, but I never get occasion to do it. I'm surrounded by cows and chickens out in the country. :lol:

Maybe eventually I'll come across an opportunity to expand that social circle a bit.
I deserve the best, and the best is you.
User avatar
Leothelioness
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby Ethnog » Sun Mar 08, 2015 2:25 am

If you do what you have always done you will get what you always get. You know your surroundings and life far better than we all do.
If I made those comments it wouldn't make sense because I live in a very lively, big city with millions of people but in your case it's far harder for you to find someone. I understand.
On the other hand. I think you have to figure this on your own and be open to giving people chances.
Lift like a man; look like a goodness.
User avatar
Ethnog
 
Posts: 2107
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:22 pm

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby mina » Sun Mar 08, 2015 3:10 am

I don't think you have to do anything you are really uncomfortable with or don't want to, but it never hurts to try new things, focus on new interests, and meet people along the way- old people, young people, married people, single people, etc…. You might meet the "one" or you might meet someone who knows the one for you. I never met anyone until I decided to be open and to try new things. I had like three bad dates after I decided that, which really made me want to never date again, and then I met my husband. I didn't have to settle at all, but I did have to take a chance.
Image
User avatar
mina
 
Posts: 1015
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:57 am

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby Leothelioness » Sun Mar 08, 2015 4:09 am

I went through the whole "bad dates" thing, too and it really put me off of dating again as well. Funny thing is, I took a chance and that's what happened, so now I'm afraid to take chances for fear of getting the same results.

At the time I just kind of took it as a sign that maybe I was trying to make something happen when I should be waiting. So, yeah, color me confused about this whole thing. :lol:
I deserve the best, and the best is you.
User avatar
Leothelioness
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2014 7:40 pm

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby mina » Sun Mar 08, 2015 7:03 pm

Unfortunately the deal about taking a chance means you take the bad along with whatever good can come your way. And also unfortunately there can be a lot more bad than good. I think that if I had not just kept trying , then I would still be single. It is confusing and I don't know why it's easier for some than others, but a good relationship and a good or great love all starts with risk, uncertainty, and chance. There are instances where things just fall into people's lap without any chance on their part, I guess. But, those rarely happen or they end up sort of unhealthy especially within Christian realms from my pov.
Image
User avatar
mina
 
Posts: 1015
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:57 am

Re: Open to a relationship, but not actively looking

Postby Wren » Sun Mar 08, 2015 10:56 pm

I was afraid of getting hurt, especially after getting my heart smashed to bits by my first boyfriend. I didn't date for several years after that. I basically hid in my apartment except for walks, church, work, and the rare family get-togethers. Then I decided to take a chance on men again as a result of a good guy (though not a good match for me, just platonic) coworker who gave me hope in the male gender. I did date some guys from CF, but they were so wrong for me.* And one broke my heart. But it was too late to go back to hiding away from men. Then there was a local guy I was set up with that was not a good match for me. One guy friend I tried to make something more, but we both realized friends is all we should be. Finally, I got together with my husband. It wasn't an easy road or quick (I married at 33 years old), but sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs so to speak.

All of that to say that if you really want to find the right guy, you probably have to put yourself out there a bit. What that means for you, only you probably know. And you can't be afraid to get your heartbroken. It sucks. It really really sucks, but when you find the right guy, it becomes a faded memory that you can even laugh over maybe someday. I regret those wasted years of hiding. Maybe that's how it had to be for me or else I'd not have married WrenHubby. But I wouldn't wish that on someone else. It may still take some time, but at least live life to the fullest and enjoy yourself, take risks (within reason of course) and along the way you may meet someone as others have mentioned.

*I did meet WrenHubby on CF, but I meant a couple of guys I dated before I dated locally and then my WrenHubby, if that makes sense.
User avatar
Wren
 
Posts: 712
Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 11:00 pm
Location: California

Next

Return to Serious Relationships

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

About us

ChattyChristians.com is a place for Christians of all walks to chat, discuss, and fellowship with one another. We seek to live out our mission statement with humility and sincerity.

Have questions? Contact us at support@chattychristians.com or join ChattyChristians.com and submit a question to our Member Help Desk. You might also be interested in our FAQ and Privacy Policy.

cron