Cheating

Dating and Engagement. Discuss romance, love, and relationships that haven't been brought to the altar yet.

Cheating

Postby Ethnog » Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:05 am

I dont want to ask if you have ever been cheated on because I find it's such a horrible thing to talk about so I'll ask the other less horrible question, what would you do if you found out?

The past month found out about three cheating husbands. I was so surprised and hurt and I'm not even married to them.
It upsets me so much, because you hear about it more and more. It's painful to know and watch families hurting.
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Re: Cheating

Postby little_tigress » Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:18 am

I've been thinking about that actually. I think that if I was dating him, I'd break up with him. End of story.

If I was married... I honestly don't know. I'd like to say I could forgive him and move forward, but cheating is such a horrible thing. An article I read last week called it "soul rape" which is an extreme image but comes somewhat close, I think, to the kind of violation and hurt one would feel in that situation.

At the very least, he'd have to show me his repentance was real. A simple "sorry, my bad" won't cut it. He'd have to find ways to earn back my trust and show me that he was done with it for good. And then it'd take a lot of time, prayer, and counseling to move forward.
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Re: Cheating

Postby Wren » Sun Feb 22, 2015 1:43 pm

I've been cheated on by my first boyfriend. He was a horrible boyfriend for so many reasons and obviously that relationship ended. He was the first guy I ever loved and letting go was never my strong suit, so I did get back together with him a few months later.

I like to think I'm a different person now and would be strong enough to be able to just walk away. But it's much more complicated now that I'm not only married, but we have a child together. If WrenHubby cheated it would not only be incredibly painful but I would also be shocked because I just can't see him as a cheater. As I said, letting go is not my strong suit and that would probably save our marriage if he was willing to seriously work on it, which would include couples therapy.
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Re: Cheating

Postby mina » Sun Feb 22, 2015 4:03 pm

Dating or engaged; I'd walk away. There are men out there that don't cheat, so why bother trying to be with one that does? I sorta believe the old adage, "once a cheater always a cheater".

Marriage is a completely different ballgame. And marriage with kids is even more different. I would try to make it work. I would consider separating with the conditions that I want to continue in marriage, but he must be willing to stop and to go to counseling- alone and together. That said, there is only so much you can do on your own if the other person will not and does not want to change. If I was long-suffering and the cheating still did not end and no changes were made on his part then I would leave. I can't ever see my husband as a cheater either.
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Re: Cheating

Postby Ethnog » Sun Mar 01, 2015 11:55 pm

Wow my brain. Posted this thread and forgot about it!

I agree with you all. If I was dating or engaged I couldn't stay. If married with no kids I might work at it but still easier to leave. But with kids it seems so much harder.
I don't know what I would do.
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Re: Cheating

Postby Toro » Mon May 25, 2015 2:43 am

I'd walk away, simple as that.

If she cheats on me, no matter how much I might love her, it changes the way I see her. She would no longer be the woman I felt love for.

Having never cheated on a woman (but having plenty of chances to do so) I know what the temptation is like. I also know that alcohol is no excuse as more than a few of those temptations came while I was quite inebriated.

I am FAR from a saint and have a very high drive, but I will not allow myself to stick around if I believe such events are lining up. Things such as cheating don't just happen in the blink of an eye, there is always a time before that allows an escape from such events if the person cares enough about the other to just put an end to it and cut it off before it goes that far.

I have been cheated on once as far as I know, it was the woman I lost my virginity to. She and a friend of mine wound up together. I was hurt at first til I saw how he treated her.

I treated her good, he treated her like garbage and a slave. I came to accept and move past it very fast after that. She wanted that kind of treatment, she certainly wasn't going to get it from me.

As for the "friend" I said good ridence to both of them.

If I were married to her or REALLY loved her, it would ALL rest on if she told me or lied to me and I found out in another way.

If she cheated, that would be hurtful, but lying about it would kill ANY trust I had in her and it would end anyway because of that betrayal. The best chance a woman would have of staying with me if she cheated is to flat up tell me.
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