How do you define relationship

Dating and Engagement. Discuss romance, love, and relationships that haven't been brought to the altar yet.

How do you define relationship

Postby Ethnog » Tue Jun 17, 2014 3:30 am

This day and age?

Times are changing and because of the internet people are connecting faster and in ways they never could before. They can also met and be with people they might never had been with if we did not have the internet.

how do you define being in a relationship if you are interested in someone you met online and not in person?
People can "be with" someone for months or even a year without seeing/meeting in person. Is that a real relation to you or just "chat buddies?"
Of course we emotionally connect with people even though we haven't met them. I have been there and meeting in person completely changes that. So to answer my own question I don't believe you are really in a relationship until you meet. And I find making an emotional connection (or allowing it to happen) can hurt one if the other does not feel the same after meeting.
Personally, for me putting that name before having the physical connection isn't healthy. (Again I say this because I've gone through it... It's not judgement just that I've experienced it and it wasn't healthy at all).


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How do you define relationship

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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby little_tigress » Tue Jun 17, 2014 3:52 am

when I was younger and dumber, I did define my relationship with someone as dating who I only knew online (for a few months before we met). Its not something I'd ever do again or advise anyone else to do. When I look back at that time, we really were just online friends until we met. Just online friends who were attracted to each other and agreed not to date others. Fortunately it didn't work out too badly. we were both exactly who we portrayed ourselves to be and we dated for a few years after we met in person, and made time to see eachother in person as much as possible before it became clear that we weren't going anywhere due to incompatibility.
But it could also just as easily turned into a catfish situation.

Honestly I think people who choose to "date" without meeting in person are immature, rash, and unwise (Like I said, I've been there. I can say this :P). I know exactly what its like to feel a strong connection with someone online. But until you have a offline connection, all you have is a friend. If the connection is really so strong that you feel the need to commit to one another and work towards a future together then you're ready to meet in person and see if you two are the same people you think you are and if you mesh as well in person as online. There's no reason not to meet. And I'd question the seriousness of anyone who says they're committed to someone they haven't met. Or don't plan to meet. You're really just playing games at that point.
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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby little_tigress » Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:00 am

I do remember hearing stories about people meeting online and the first time they met in person was the day they got married.

I often wonder where the bodies got buried.

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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby Ethnog » Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:02 am

Wow. Now I'm speechless. Lol
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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby mina » Tue Jun 17, 2014 3:21 pm

I agree with everything ya'll have said. You can not have a true relationship with someone unless you have met. "Dating" online does not allow you to see the full picture of the other person- emotionally, mentally, physically, etc…. And I don't believe you can be in a relationship with someone unless you are physically present to spend time with that person. People online can be whomever they want to be; you have to meet to know the truth. This is why that show , Catfish, exists. Even if the other person turns out to be exactly who they say they are; that is no guarantee that you will have chemistry offline.
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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby Wren » Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:15 pm

My answer may not make sense, but I'm okay with that. I agree that it's not officially a relationship until you meet in person. However, I think that once you meet, that time you spent getting to know each other and connecting offline adds in to relationship time....like it then gets grandfathered in, so to speak. For example, you get to know someone for 3 months online and talking on the phone (often those end up being long and deep conversations, more than you would typically have with someone offline when in the "getting to know you" stage of dating). Then, you meet them offline, spend time with them, and it's decided that you are now boyfriend and girlfriend. 6 months later when someone asks how long you've been together, I don't think it's wrong to say 9 months, rather than just 6 months. I think you can make a real connection with people online (romantic or platonic friendship) and that time shouldn't be dismissed if you are taking it seriously and to the official step of meeting in person.

So, I guess my answer is that you can have a relationship of sorts online, but it's not official until you meet in person. And I do agree that if you never meet in person, then that falls into Facebook's "it's complicated" and not "in a relationship".

Also, maybe I'm just lucky, but I haven't had a problem with people being fake or deceptive online vs offline. People may not show certain aspects of their personality and want to put their best foot forward online, but that is true offline at first too.
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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby mina » Tue Jun 17, 2014 5:26 pm

I agree with that too. A connection/history can exist online, and when you meet it can make it that much better with the right person.
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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby little_tigress » Tue Jun 17, 2014 8:31 pm

Hm. Good point, wren. I think now I'd be more apt though to start counting from when we decided we were an official couple after meeting and then perhaps say we were good friends for several months/ years/whatever before dating. A deep friendship can still exist online and certainly helps lay the foundation for a dating relationship later and even affect the speed of the relationship (a couple who were friends for 6 months before meeting in person may find themselves further along in a relationship than people who just met and started dating 6 weeks ago). But I don't think I'd count that as part of the dating relationship myself at this point.
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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby Ethnog » Tue Jun 17, 2014 8:37 pm

There are so many people who have known each other for years and then gotten into a relationship together. They say, "I've known him/her for 5 years but we have been in a relationship for 3 years." I think that's the same for online situation as well. But that's how I feel about it and those definitions are different for others. If you have strictly committed to someone online then I suppose that works.

I wonder about people who say they are committed to someone online and met someone else in person. Do you give the person you met in person chance first? Or keep going with the online relationship and not know how things will be when you do meet?
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Re: How do you define relationship

Postby little_tigress » Tue Jun 17, 2014 9:35 pm

I know a woman who was in that situation. She had two guys pursuing her. One online who lived on the other side of the continent. And one in her home town. It really confused her and tore her up trying to decide. But eventually she chose and married the man she meet online.

For me... I don't know. People matter. Hearts matter. I don't see anyone as disposable whether I met them in person or online. And I won't discount a deep relationship because of where I met the person. A person I met offline doesn't necessarily have an edge over a person I met online. Or vice versa.

However, If I'm not committed to someone (and if I only know someone online then I am not committed to him) then I'm free to get to know other men and see if there's a connection and possibilty of a future with them.

But In the end I'll always go back to the guy I feel more at home with and who I see a future with.
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